The dichotomy of all that is good and evil about the internet and social media is bundled into 140 neat little characters called a “tweet.” It’s the site we all love to hate, yet it’s the site we all keep coming back to.
Sidebar: You remember the story about the tractor trailer that was going too fast and got hopelessly jammed under an overpass? All the town’s highway engineers, math teachers, and an astronaut came out to see if there would be someway to get it out without destroying the truck and the bridge. Then along came a little boy, holding his father’s hand.
The boy looked up at his dad and said, “Why don’t they just let the air out of the tires?”
So how does this relate, and when are we going to get to the hateful stuff?
Good question. Alright down to business (and I’ll get back to the tire analogy in a minute).
The 10 things I hate most about twitter:
1. Anybody can join.
Okay, call me a snob—but the millions of squealing teens and tweens chirping about what color hi-tops they’re buying and whether or not Johnny’s going to ask them to prom are ruining twitter for the rest of us.
Without fail, the #1 complaint I hear from clients about marketing on twitter is this: “But nobody wants to hear about what I had for breakfast.”
Guess what, folks—you’re right! Nobody gives a damn what you had for breakfast. But what we do want to know is whether you’re a regular person just like the rest of us. That’s what social media is all about—relating to CEOs, doctors, lawyers and celebrities just like they were you or me. Just keep the mundane details to a minimum.
2. It’s too trendy.
Yeah, yeah I know. If it’s so “trendy,” why do you do it? I do it because it’s a really easy way to get a bit of information to a huge number of people with very little effort.
The tough part is that twitter tends to carry the stigma of being a flash-in-the-pan solution, so it’s difficult to get people on board.
4. Some value quantity over quality.
Just because you have 12,769 followers does not mean you have anything of value to say. If you can look through your follower list and recognize each member as a valuable part of your market, then you’ve got a high quality community.
You should immediately block any spammers, including those racy “check out my vids” tweeters—even if it means taking a little longer to reach higher numbers. Remember: anybody can get a lot of followers, but it takes a good marketer to get good followers.
4. People can cheat.
Ever see an ad promising you thousands of followers instantly? There’s no way to amass a valuable following “instantly.” Ever. The groups and individuals who sell their follow back services are adding value to the concept that more is better (see #3).
The problem is, once you start sending your marketing communication to people who didn’t ask for it, now you’re the spammer.
5. Auto DMs
Three words: Don’t do it.
6. Spam.
Twitter is the wild west of social media. Anybody can tweet anything as many times as they want. And with the fools from #4 increasing follower lists by thousands a day, access to innocent spam victims is wide open.
Just be sure to check out each tweeter’s page before following—if a tweeter has 1 million followers, and only 20 tweets (unless he’s Ashton Kutcher), it’s probably spam.
7. People who pretend not to spam.
Many spammers will entice you to follow with quotes, fun facts, or seemingly personal information. Then once you follow, you get the dreaded teeth whitening DM.
8. Repeater tweeters.
These people want you to see their site so badly, they’ll tweet the link 20 times in a row just to be sure it shows up in your feed. Don’t bite, block them right away.
9. Greedy tweeters.
When 140 characters just isn’t enough, maybe it’s time to find a new platform. Facebook will let you have as many characters as you want. But please, for the love of all that is holy, please do not carry one sentence across 5 tweets.
You may think that your loyal followers appreciate all the goodness that you have to spread into the twitterverse, but the only thing you’re spreading is the desire to key your car.
10. The misconception that twitter can get you rich, quick.
Very few of us will ever “get rich quick.” If I had a dollar for every CEO who’s asked me to make them some money on twitter…well, okay I guess there is such a thing as getting rich quick.
But don’t believe for a minute that you can use social media to make a lot of money without being a spammer. To be a responsible member of the twitter community, you have to be legit. If people like what you have to say, then maybe they’ll buy your product.
Be real, be genuine, and most of all— be nice.
But what about the whole air in the tires thing?
The way to understand twitter is the same as understanding the tractor trailer conundrum. Just relax, take a deep breath, and let a little air out of your tires. Twitter isn’t meant to be the end all, be all solution to all your marketing needs, and it can’t legitimately make you a quick buck.
Just like the solution to the truck problem, the answer is simple. Twitter works for millions of teens, just ask one of them. And don’t try to read too much into it, you’ll just wind up scratching your head.
I offer social media consultation and coaching services. If you want to learn more about twitter and how it can work for you, get in touch and let’s see where we can go together.
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